Hitler Reacts to the Conner & Winters Implosion
204 views4/2/2026
Hitler learns that Conner & Winters is merging into Spencer Fane and discovers that the managing partner is at Southern Hills, the accounting software doesn't work, nobody understands Conner & Winters Dollars, and the firm has been practicing law like it's 1990. Things go about as well as you'd expect.
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | #StartEndCaption10:00.500:03.25The Spencer Fane merger is on track. We sent the term sheet last week |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Redwine will update the partners. |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | Has he sent anything yet? |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | Mein Führer... Redwine hasn't sent anything. He's been at Southern Hills since Wednesday. |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | He said he's "working on firm development" on the back nine. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | And the entire ERISA group is gone. |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | Danny Miller and two associates left Friday |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | What about Hathaway? Is he helping? |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | He's... calculating his bonus. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | Everyone here less than 30 years and under 65... |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | ...leave the room now. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | The firm is DYING and our managing partner is working on his PUTTING STROKE at Southern Hills! |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | 1:15What about our receivables? |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | Karen's been tracking them on a legal pad, sir. |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | We never gave the new partners copies of the partnership agreement. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | The ones who DO know get paid in "Conner & Winters Dollars." |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Which nobody understands. |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | HOW IS THIS A LAW FIRM?! |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | We pay people in FICTIONAL CURRENCY and wonder why laterals won't come here?! |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | Everyone is UNDERPAID — except HATHAWAY! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | Hathaway doesn't care if we merge with MCDONALD'S— |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | as long as his BONUS is protected! The man has THREE EX-WIVES to support! |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Every time I see him he's got a NEW GIRLFRIEND — |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | and a NEW formula for why HE deserves a bigger draw than everyone else! |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | And REDWINE— |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | is STILL at Southern Hills! |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | I don't need him to break par! I need him to send ONE EMAIL! |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | THREE SENTENCES. "Here's what's happening. Here's the plan. More to come." |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | But we are BOUND BY TRADITION! And tradition means practicing law like it's 1990! |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | Fax machines! Paper files! Robert Melgaard has NEVER USED A COMPUTER! He doesn't know what EXCEL is! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | He thinks a spreadsheet is something you put on a BED! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | Unfortunately for this firm, IT IS NOT 1990 ANYMORE! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | Don't worry. We still have our jobs. |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | What exactly do we DO here? I printed something in March. |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | I mostly forward emails to other secretaries. |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | They told me we'd attract LATERALS! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | We got TWELVE law school graduates who think a UCC filing is a type of SANDWICH! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | No training program! We hand them a Redweld folder and say "FIGURE IT OUT!" |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | Half our partners are over 65— |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | haven't billed an hour since Obama's FIRST TERM— |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | but all they talk about is BILLABLE HOURS! |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Hours, hours, hours! Not clients! Not results! HOURS ON A TIMESHEET! |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | I gave sixteen years to this firm. |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | And they couldn't learn technology. Or send an email. Or explain a compensation formula. |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | silence |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Is our malpractice insurance at least current? |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | Redwine was supposed to handle that. But he had a tee time. |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | Conner & Winters merged into Spencer Fane three months later. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Redwine shot an 82. Hathaway kept his bonus. Robert never learned Excel. |