Hitler learns someone on Hinge has fallen in love
6 views10/25/2026
Two people on Hinge have been on a date and fallen hopelessly in love with each other
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | They were seen in town snogging each other |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | by a shop front |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | and on a park bench |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | also I believe they were seen snogging down a back alley |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | and they were holding hands and seemed really happy together |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Great, but what does |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | that mean for us here at Hinge |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Boss |
| 00:27 - 00:28 | they have... |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | They have now promptly cancelled both of their Hinge accounts |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | They won't be paying us anymore |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | If you're one of web design, copy writing, marketing, HR, or catering, fuck off |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | We were making money! |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | We were making a hell of a lot of money! |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | But not by people meeting and falling hopelessly in love |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | We're here to trade on despair |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | not make people happy |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | Hopelessly desperate individuals scrolling on Hinge |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | was how we made loads and loads of fucking money |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | But now we've bloody well got people happily falling in love! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | But boss, I thought we wanted people to fall in love! |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | What the fuck are you saying? Are you an utter cretin? |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | But boss, love is the goal! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | I'm not interested in people falling happily in love |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | Unhappiness |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | that is what keeps us at Hinge |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | making stacks of stacks of cash for me to spend on prostitutes |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | How am I going to fund my sex life now? |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | Eva never let's me get anywhere near her these days |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | She's colder than a bloody polar bear on an ice-berg in the dead of fucking winter! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | I just want to get my rocks off |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | I want to be shagging more women than that bloody randy bastard Stalin! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | We need to diversify |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | I need to think of something, something really great |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | An app focused on shagging |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | like Grynder |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | But people falling in love and then promptly cancelling their accounts |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | is not what I would call a viable business model |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | When you think about shagging |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | most of the men on Hinge just want a shag |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | Don't all of you men just want a shag? |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | Don't worry, not all men are like that |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | Do you realise what this means? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | Without us making any money from the desparate punters |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | you'll be sacked |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | The scam is over |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | If people on Hinge are going to start falling in love with each other |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | then I might as well take the app down |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | I'll retire to Cleethorpes |