Mauricio's First Day at Atlanta United
38 views6/8/2026
The FieldTurf™️ isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.
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| 00:00 - 00:03 | We’re admittedly not in a great spot, sir. |
| 00:04 - 00:05 | Our DP’s are locked in for 2-3 more years, |
| 00:05 - 00:07 | combining for ~$13M a year. |
| 00:08 - 00:12 | On the GAM front, we probably have less than |
| 00:12 - 00:15 | one starting-level player’s worth of wiggle room. |
| 00:17 - 00:19 | Guess we’ll be putting |
| 00:19 - 00:21 | those two buyouts to use immediately then, huh? |
| 00:24 - 00:26 | Mauricio… |
| 00:27 - 00:29 | The organizational pillars of AMBSE…. |
| 00:31 - 00:33 | This club has never used a single buyout in a timely manner |
| 00:34 - 00:36 | even once in its life. |
| 00:53 - 00:58 | Everyone out, except: Tata, Chris, Josh, & Jonathan. |
| 01:13 - 01:15 | Josh, your dad is a BILLIONAIRE. |
| 01:15 - 01:17 | One of these contracts is like |
| 01:18 - 01:23 | a week of groceries to you guys. |
| 01:25 - 01:28 | What the fuck? |
| 01:29 - 01:31 | Is this what it’s come to? |
| 01:31 - 01:34 | A roster full of tax write-offs? |
| 01:34 - 01:37 | No one in the building seems to even know where a goal comes from. |
| 01:37 - 01:40 | The scouting department is just a bunch of Orlando sleeper agents! |
| 01:40 - 01:42 | I cannot allow you to insult the scouts– |
| 01:42 - 01:46 | ORLANDO. SLEEPER. AGENTS. |
| 01:46 - 01:48 | Mauricio, you sound like the subreddit! |
| 01:48 - 01:52 | You think Jonathan here is over his recurring role in 2018 Atlanta highlight reels? |
| 01:53 - 01:54 | lmao |
| 01:56 - 01:57 | You call yourself a front office |
| 01:57 - 02:00 | because you spent your first couple years giving Tata control. |
| 02:00 - 02:03 | Then you thought Boca & a bunch of other |
| 02:04 - 02:08 | former-players-turned-“recruiters” |
| 02:08 - 02:13 | could honestly do better?! |
| 02:14 - 02:16 | Look where it got you! |
| 02:17 - 02:21 | You should’ve just not paid for these guys, like John Textor! |
| 02:27 - 02:29 | I mean, *I* never played, |
| 02:30 - 02:34 | but *I’ve* put together winning rosters |
| 02:34 - 02:36 | for decades! |
| 02:41 - 02:42 | Men’s AND women’s teams! |
| 02:43 - 02:47 | I've been betrayed & deceived from the start! |
| 02:48 - 02:53 | I feel like I just closed on a McMansion |
| 02:54 - 02:56 | in summer 2008. |
| 02:56 - 02:59 | You’re gonna use the buyouts, goddamnit. |
| 03:00 - 03:02 | In a fucking MEANINGFUL way. |
| 03:04 - 03:07 | I *promise* he’s not talking about you, Miggy. |
| 03:14 - 03:16 | What are we doing here? |
| 03:19 - 03:23 | How can I be a leader under these circumstances? |
| 03:25 - 03:26 | Christ. |
| 03:31 - 03:33 | Playoffs are probably out of the question already. |
| 03:40 - 03:46 | If you think this means I’m giving up the NWSL team, you’re wrong. I’d rather |
| 03:46 - 03:49 | throw myself off the top of the big chicken. |
| 03:53 - 03:56 | Just don’t lower the season ticket prices. |